What is Confidence
Confidence can be generally described as a human quality which consist in a person’s ability of positive self regard, as well as in knowing his/her capability of confronting a problem and acting towards solving it. Nowadays, confidence has become a major, if not a decisive skill in every life aspect. It is the most vital tool we, humans, can use in order to overcome various daily obstacles that we encounter.
As an influential life aspect, confidence is a good-to-have attribute, regardless gender, race, age or social status. It has the power of initiating tremendous actions, especially when it’s combined with competence and bright ideas. It can be used in diverse areas of life, such as politics, management, education or sports. In most of the cases, confidence gives a helping hand to the person who uses it, creating an aura of authority over that person.
Being confident means being in a continuous positive state of being, having the courage and the initiative to go forward when the circumstances are against you, communicating and acting brave and bold while maintaining a kind and friendly attitude towards others, but most of all, being confident means believing in yourself.
Also, a confident and tenacious person displays willingness of risk taking in various difficult circumstances, admitting his/her mistakes or lack of knowledge in certain domains, accepts positive praises with elegance, and most of all, does whatever he/she believes it is right, regardless of other people’s opinion. `
Confidence vs. low self esteem vs. arrogance
There are mainly two negative ways in which confidence could manifest for someone: the lack of confidence which leads to low self esteem, and the overconfidence, that might lead to arrogance.
Low self esteem usually develops after a long period of time in which a person disregard his/her own self, as a result of a comparison with others or with the so called social standards. This deficit of confidence is often causing damage to the person holding this belief. It prevents good things from happening, by using fear of a future event for stopping something that might turn out positive and rewarding.
On the other hand, overconfidence turned into arrogance can be harmful, as well, because it implies holding a superior view of oneself that is contrasting with the reality. This is also a damaging aspect of confidence, because it could create differences between how a person is regarded by the society and that person’s self awareness, or it can result in negative outcomes when the person in cause is facing a real life situation where his/her abilities were not realistically evaluated.
However, there is a level of self-assessment which can always be beneficial, and that level can be achieved by creating a balance between low self esteem and overconfidence. Finding and constantly improving one’s confidence is not impossible, nor is it something predestined. It is an attribute which can be altered in our favor, with the right mindset and tools. In the next sections, you can find a few examples on how a healthy level of confidence can be achieved and maintained.
Confidence as a personal development tool
A healthy confidence can help you reach any goal you set for yourself. But it is not enough. Besides confidence, you also need to increase your competence. These are two interconnected aspects of succeeding at something. Either if it’s a sport, a job or a relationship, you need to develop both confidence in your own abilities and competence for you to stand out in that specific field. The good news is that improving competence in a certain area of your life (let’s say you want to become a better dancer, or you want to be the best baseball player in the team, or you want to impress a girl you like) leads to increased levels of confidence. Setting higher goals, practicing daily and pushing your personal limits towards achieving that goal can have a boosting effect on your self confidence.
No one is perfect. This applies to every living person on this planet. There isn’t a secret key on how to be confident and successful in every life aspect. There are, though, several ways to build your confidence. You are required to invest a lot of will power and to work harder and harder each day, but the result is worth it. Of course, every person is different and we don’t have the same goals. That’s why the following steps were designed in a general way, as helping tools for climbing upwards on your confidence scale.
The first and most important step in constructing a strong confidence is identifying your strengths. Find the thing or things you enjoy doing and at which you are good at and follow them through, all the way. Improve or excel your passions and stand out with them proudly. Either if you like chess or you like to compose music or write computer code, if you practice it and expand your knowledge about it, you will become the best. This is an excellent way of putting yourself in a positive light. Others will notice your rising and will perceive you more positively as well. Finding and following your passion is not only the best therapy for your heart and mind, but it has the potential of making you feel accomplished.
Another essential measure in conquering the desired level of confidence is acknowledging your weaknesses. Write down whatever aspects about you that you consider negative, then prioritize them, starting with the ones you think are the most important. In that way, you will have a list of insecurities, flaws, or any other aspects of your personality you consider improvable (for example, if you think of yourself as a shy person, or if you think you’re too fat/skinny, or if you think you’re not attractive enough, write it down). Don’t think of this list as a giant burden you carry with you, but think of it as a ladder towards success. Because it really is. Each day, take an item on the list and start finding ways of turning it around in your favor. For example, if you feel your job is not right for you, start planning on moving towards something you love doing, even if it’s not possible to make that change right away. This way, not only you will have some new task or challenge to complete each day, but after consistently upgrading yourself, it will make you feel like something worth doing, and you’ll see that it’s an uplifting feeling.
Another aspect of boosting your confidence level is related to your body. Believe it or not, your own body is one of the most obvious ways of displaying your confidence to others. Everything from your body posture, gestures, facial expression, the way you dress or the way you look matters. When interacting with people, especially for the first time, every element from your body transmits something about you. If you want that the person you meet to form a good opinion about you from the start, your body needs to display confidence. For example, when meeting someone new, a simple handshake or eye contact can make a significant difference. A weak handshake or a look in the ground does not transmit a healthy confidence to the other person. Take time to identify and write down every element which you think it would use a transformation. For example, if you think or if you’ve been told that the way you dress is somehow not representative of you, take with you a friend or relative who knows you best, and ask them to help you pick new and more suitable clothes. It’s not impossible to turn things around. Every little detail matters. Make sure you take a shower and that you brush your teeth every day, and also that you get at least 6 hours of sleep. Taking care of your body should be something built into your daily routine.
One of the most noticeable ways to rise your confidence levels is to start working out. It’s been proven. Physical activity rises endorphin levels in your body and will make you feel great. Find time for exercising and create a daily routine out of it. Hold on to that routine and slowly increase the difficulty of the exercises. You will find a lot of useful working out programs online, choose the most appropriate for you, print it and start using it. You will notice amazing benefits both for your body and mind, and you will be ready and confident to take on any life challenge.
Negativity can be a drag, especially if you let it found its way into your way of thinking. It is a critical mission for someone who wants to feel and look confident to remove every source of negativity, pessimism or unhealthy thinking. It is not an easy job, but it’s not impossible either, end even though you might not be capable of replacing all the negative sources from your life with something beneficial, at least working on improving the most bothering ones will be very rewarding. A few examples of negativity sources could be represented by a boss who’s always unhappy no matter how much you work, or by unsupportive friends who ditch you whenever you need some help, or by your own negative thoughts about yourself and the world. No matter how difficult to overcome a situation or crisis, always keep in mind that there must be a solution, you only need to find it. Cut loose all the problem-creating-persons from your life, get a new job, find new friends, move out, take a walk every time black clouds of bad thoughts tend to cover your mind. Knowing that there’s a clear sky behind any life difficulty and getting through every problem with a smile on your face will make you shine with optimism and confidence.
Above all, learn how to adopt and keep a positive mindset. This means avoiding self-pity, whining and getting sympathy from others, and relying on your own capabilities to solve any issue, standing out with pride and strength. If you will hold a bad opinion on your own self, others will follow that example as well. Alternatively, if you learn to love and respect yourself, you will be loved and respected. Never think or speak negatively of yourself. This way, you exercise your mind to create and strengthen new patterns, preferably more positive ones. This should be a rule of thumb for everyone who wishes to become more confident. As a practical example, when catching your brain thinking in a negative way, create two positive thoughts to counterbalance it, or when talking to your friends or family, try to use twice more positive lines than negative ones. This way you will learn to replace complaining about stuff and earning a better reputation.
There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “Don’t compare your weaknesses to other people’s strengths”. There’s a very strong reason why this saying is meaningful. If you use comparison as a way of measuring your skills, you will be disappointed most of the times, as the people are not the same in terms of qualities they posses or develop. Holding the belief that others are better than you is one of the most harmful thoughts for you, and you need to let it go. Comparing yourself with more successful people is never going to work out for the best. There will always be wealthier, more attractive or more intelligent people than you. You will need to learn that being rich or attractive or successful will not bring you inner strength. Only you, yourself can do that, by accepting yourself and being willing to take small steps forward, believing in your own set of values. After all, being confident means believing in your own powers, and not trying to copy others.
A confident person always accepts compliments with grace. It is considered a measure of low self esteem to reply to a complement by putting yourself in a poor light (for example, saying “That’s not entirely true” when someone complements you). A simple “Thank you” and a sincere smile is more than enough to let the person who made the complement know that you truly appreciate their remark.
Other important advice on how to conquer confidence is to live in the now, in the present moment. Be aware of yourself, and of the world around you, respect others, love your close ones and be thankful for what you have.
These steps are very important in building a strong and healthy level of confidence. As you have previously read so far, there are numerous ways of improving your self-assessment. Choose what fits in your case, use it wisely, make notes, create schedules or set up new patterns to replace the old rusty ones. It is not at all impossible for you to develop the confidence required for a successful life.